Sept. 24, 2003 - 8:55 a.m.
Weeds vs. Flowers

Some words and phrases that I can't forget that keep coming up in my mind and reeling around and won't go the fuck away:

"You claim that you didn't make an ass of yourself? Are you fucking delusional?"

"I guess it's a blessing for you that you were too pissed to notice how belittling they were."


"After last night, I don't even think I want to remain friends with you if you don't get counselling."

"You try to be all good and eat well and excersise, but then you have this need to "let loose" and fuck it all up."

I do need to add that I don't drink very often. Maybe two-three times a month. It's not alcoholism that is the problem. Though drinking too much in one night exacerbates the problem.

But now I have more problems, and they're bigger. This is not good. I did not handle the abortion well, I am not handling my emotions well, I am not handling my life situation well, I am not handling this fight well at all, not even remotely. I have lost all my strength and resolve, I don't even care to be strong anymore, and now I just wanna take a long walk off a short pier.

Weeds grow just as easily as flowers. In fact, they grow faster, better, and are stronger and hardier. You pull up weeds and you think they've gone away only to resurface there again, and now they're everywhere else too.

Growth indeed. There were much more beautiful things in me before.

old bitching - random - new bitching

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