A)My lack of success as an actor is because no one wants to hire an actress that weighs 175 pounds. I'm too heavy, thereofore unmarketable and unhireable, regardless of my considerable talent.

B)My lack of success at having relationships. Men want to sleep with me because I'm sexy and curvy and have nice tits etc etc, but they don't want me for a girlfriend because their buddies won't congratulate them and society will frown on them and they'll feel like they've failed as men in the modern world. Or they just don't find me attactive.

C)My self hatred and poor self image. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough. Clothing shopping is a nightmare. It's impossible for me to dress the way I want to because the clothes I want to wear don't come in my size and the clothes that do are too big and don't hang right and are all around awful. When I touch my fatty parts I'm consumed with the urge to tear them from my body with my bare hands. I'm embarassed naked in front of my parters, I become a scared little child who is terrified of being laughed at, insulted or ridiculed.

Here's the meat of what I've been thinking about.

What happens if I lose the 35 - 40 pounds that I want to? What happens if when I reach this goal, these things don't change? What if I'm NOT happy, after all that. What if I'm still single, unemployed as an actor and hating my body? I would hope that doesn't happy, but maybe just in case, I should really get happy now, huh?

Here's to being happy no matter where I am with my body. After all, it's mine for life no matter what shape it's in, right?