Maybe he's trying to show me "see, I'm a dick, you don't want me."

I used to want to fight things out, I used to feel like it was important that I stick with it and talk about it, fight about it. It was worth it to me to accept his mistakes (or are they?) and forgive him because the greater good was infinitely more important to me. And that was my love for him, and his love for me.

But now, I just don't have the energy. I walked out instead. I was tired. I didn't have the strength to fight it out, or explain why what he had just said was not funny anymore after the first three repetitions, and had just become hurtful. How I felt a lack of respect for me.

How his belief that my goals are delusional makes me feel. How he commended me for having goals, he complimented me, and then he shot his compliment down in the same sentence. How much his opinion has always meant to me, for no good reason. You can't say hurtful things to me, and then say "but what I think doesn't matter" because it's always mattered to me and he knows that. He's not dumb.

I ran outta there pretty quick, and now that I think about it, I think he expected me to come back, and I didn't. It wouldn't surprise me if he just fell asleep after I left, in his clothes and everything. What would surprise me is if he actually felt bad instead of justifying himself and feeling superior.

Anyway. I guess people change and emotions change, and I still love him in that space set aside for him in my heart, but I definitely don't have it in me to fight anymore.

I guess he'll be happy about that.

"Wild horses could not drag me away, from you."