Nov. 05, 2002 - 9:33 a.m.
All The Things You Give To Me
strengthcalmnesswittinessgracefemininity
attainabilitycharmclumsinesssafetypride
shinybrilliancesoftnessfirmnessheatjoypain
wetnesswetnesswetnesswetwetwetwetwet
patiencegenerosityfearlessnessconfidence
appreciationcertaintyachinguncertainty
needwanthopefulnesswishfulnessknowingness
Thisisrealanditseverythingandanythingandall
Thislislivethisislifethisismethisismethisisme
Thisisyouandmethisisusthisislove
This is love.
I'm scared. I think I'm falling really hard and I don't want to be hurt. I know this sounds silly, but every pisces I've ever met and become involved with in some way has broken my heart entirely. Kirin is a pisces. It's a stupid reason to be afraid, but Chris is a pisces. Mark, from SA, who I met in Brighton, who was obviously wanting me as much as I wanted him, proceeded to break my heart anyway, and watched me suffer, on purpose. I can't do that. I can't do this.
I can't stop thinking about him, he's always on my mind (hence the last couple of poetryprose type entries). I can tell when I'm slipping because I become inspired. I start to think of all kinds of romantic things. My art is inspired, my writing, even my acting is better. Steady relationship/contentness = complacence = death. I think in order for me to be a successful artist in any capacity, I have to remain in a state of perpetual unrequieted desire. What a horrible, sad, aching life that would be.
I see his face everywhere I look. I see his lips everytime I close my eyes, and they are pressed against mine, in a smile. When I touch my own lips I feel his and I can smell his skin. I feel sick. I feel scared and excited all at once. I missed this feeling so much.
old bitching - random - new bitching
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What's Wrong With Alice?
last five entries:
Spell it out
Rehash
to keep her
End of the line
what to do, what to do.