It was also his attempt at being emotional about this fight we're in.

I erased all of my replies. I didn't finish any of them.

Because it's futile now. There's nothing I can say to him to describe how I've felt all this time that he'll believe.

He thinks my words mean nothing. That I spout shit.

He thinks I've ruined the friendship by resenting him for not being my boyfriend. I think that's trivializing it a bit. I resent him for rejecting me as a person, and me as a lover, and rejecting my love because I don't look good in clothes, despite how he claims he feels about me.

I'm super torn. I'm torn between waiting the month and seeing how I feel about things trying to keep this friendship, and just calling it quits.

There are a lot of good reasons to call it quits.

I've realized that since I met him, now I see women everywhere that are what he wants. Big boobs, only slightly chubby. I see them and I see him with them. It's like I'm almost obsessed. I see him being infatuated with them. I think, how lucky they must be. I feel inferior.

There are days when I feel so slim and amazing and beautiful, but when I'm around him, that feeling disappears.

Do I want to have a friendship that does that to me, or is this something within myself that I can get over and eradicate?

I don't even know what the reasons for staying friends are. I can't think of any at the moment. There must be. Why would I have stayed friends this long.

Maybe Richard was right. Why do I stay friends with him unless I want something more, or am waiting for something more?

It's scaring me a lot that I'm leaning towards ending a friendship. It's like tug of war, and I don't really know who's at the other end of the rope pulling against me.

Well, it's not over yet. Who knows, maybe it'll all work out in the end and everyone involved will be happy.