Had a pretty good scene last night. It was a sad, angry one and at one point I started to feel the emotion well up and I was shaking violently. As Shea pointed out it was this great battle between my emotions and energy wanting to come out and my brain trying to stay in control. At one point she said let it go and I started wailing for a sec then I had to talk and it was so hard to keep my voice going. But I did it and I think I only had to ask for a line once. I like it when I see improvement in my ability.

So none of my friends except Anna came to the screening of my film at my place on Saturday night. Fair enough, the fireworks were on, but they aren't all THAT exciting are they? Oh well. I was a litte hurt and disappointed, but in the end, I'm a little glad.

My performance was less than fabulous, I now realize as I have seen it. I did some of the things I hate, but at the same time, I don't do them anymore because I did this film before I really got going in Shea's class, and she's weeded out a lot of the weird wiggy shit that I do. (there's that alliteration again, I'm so supercool). So I don't think I'm going to have another screening so my shiner friends can watch it.

I won't be hard on myself, it was my first major film thing that wasn't super silly goofing around and wasn't a monologue so everyone's first try sucks right? Right.

I was depressed for a while this weekend. I got whalloped while training in Taijutsu on Friday and Sunday. But Sunday was bad. It hurt soOOOOO much, it was so painful and it really felt like our instructor was hitting me harder, and on purpose, i.e. if I hit her lots and hard, she'll get used to it. But I go the other way. My body remembers that if I go up to him to train, he's going to hurt me, and since I don't know the technique properly yet, since I'm new, I'm going to get hurt. So in other words, my body refuses to allow me feel comfortable training with him. I don't trust him. Does that make sense to you? I understand the need to be used to getting hit, but when it's that hard and I don't know the technique yet, what the hell am I supposed to do but get injured? Fair enough if I've been training for 3 years and should know the technique, then yeah, hit me!! If I get hurt that's my fault. But not a little 6 month old newbie like me...

Mormon Name Generator:

My Mormon name is Araannah Miracles Precious One!
What's yours?