I'm so down today. Man. It was such a great morning until I got here. Now I'm just hating my job and hating my family.

I miss my little brother. Did I tell you he compression fractured his back? Yah. My brother has a broken back. Great. I think he's banned from riding, which will kill him, but biking could head him in the direction of quadraplegia. I'm hoping he'll take up photography. He's REALLY good.

I am having dim and upsetting thoughts of being estranged from my family over this stupidity. I don't feel that I should apologize for going to a nude beach. I don't feel that I need to ask my grandmother's forgiveness. I'm torn between just appeasing her because she's old, and not allowing myself to be manipulated by a VERY manipulative family.

Argh. I feel really lost today. I have no soul mate. I have nothing to go home to. Just my cats, but they're CATS. They don't care if I live or die, as long as they get fed. Bah. In a state now, aren't I?

=)

I feel like I'm missing something. Something really really big, but I can't put my finger on it. Did I ask for this? I don't think so. I just go through my life, do my thing, and get shit on and fucked with. You wonder why I have so many problems? Because my mother doesn't ACKNOWLEDGE things. She is completely blindered and brainwashed and she's always been that way, in her own little self righteous world, and I've grown up having to defend myself and fight and I'm just tired of it. I think I have to stop trying to make people see things.

You, her, everyone. I suppose I'm just as bad as the next guy, trying to show people a truth, but it's MY truth, not necessarily the real truth. Like us. I keep trying to show you where you're wrong. Or trying to convince you that there's more to love than what you're looking for. But I suppose there isn't.

Ok well I give up. I give up on Mum, you, maybe even my acting career. Maybe you were right and I'm deluding myself that talent will get me everywhere. Maybe I'm just a fat sucker with high hopes.

ech.

Have a good day. =/

A.