Sept. 09, 2003 - 10:42 a.m.
A Conversation Between Exes
Chris Arianna
Sunday should be fine. I may or may not have a guest, if you don't mind.
Actually, I guess catch up time..I have a new boyfriend I've been seeing for about two months. So far so good. Got a dining room table and chairs from my uncle and various other little things.
How are you? What's new besides living in New West etc.?
Could you possibly be prepared to take the following things?
- a small box containing your chain mail.
- the barbecue
- your grandmother's chairs
- the piano. I don't use it much, and I don't see your parents much any more so maybe I should give it back
- your large black sub woofer speaker thing - I have a coffee table now.
- was there anything else?
I also wonder if you wouldn't mind examining my computer? I think it may be dying, and I wonder if I should get a new one or what. I also have so much crap in it and I want to kinda clear it's slate, recover it, so to speak and reinstall a lot of things. Just need your advice, that's all. If you don't want to, that's fine.
Thanks,
Sunday it is then. I�ll be using Donald�s van, so he�ll be along to help with the lifting.
I�m glad that you are seeing someone, I think. Now I know how you felt when I told you I was with someone else. I�m sorry I broke it to you the way that I did.
Well, tell me about him. What�s his name?
That's cool. It will be nice to see Donald again. I do miss him. I don't miss Olivia much, mind you, but I often wonder how Donald and his son are doing. What time roughly will you be by?
It's ok, I'm not upset at you anymore about your girlfriend, but thank you for the apology. I really do appreciate it. Thanks. Do you really want to hear about him? If not, don't read on, if you do, go for it!
His name is Trevor, he's a 3rd year philosophy student at SFU. He's in the reserve too, although I already asked him if he knew Donald, (why do we do that?) Trevor is in armory, so I'm not sure they would have crossed paths. Anyway, he's not active this summer since he's going to school instead. They let him waive his service if he has classes, which he does. bla bla.
Anyway. He's a bit young, (21 - yes I'm a cougar, it's awful I know) but he's very intelligent, has a lot that makes up for lack of experience. Good looking, entertaining, that sort of thing. Been pretty happy with him for the last two months, so that's all good. Really hope it goes somewhere.
How's your girl? I remember it starts with a K, but can't remember if it's Kathy or Katherine or Katie. Sorry....
Hmm� Kate is 21 too. Go figure. I think I�ll be over at about 10 or 10:30am, if that�s OK. I still have to confirm the time with Donald, but I expect that�s about when it�ll be. If you need to call me, my cell phone number is still ***-***-****.
*sigh* The sad thing about all this is that if we hadn�t moved in together, we�d probably still be together. You were right, we did move in too soon. Water under the bridge, I guess.
are you still sad about this?
Yeah, I am still sad. Sometimes I think about what happened, and I think that what I really need is time to be alone, because that�s what I have always been used to in my life as an only child & computer techie. Moving in together removed a lot of that & it broke things down. But I�m too quick to say that things are OK even when they aren�t, and one day it was just too much� and then it was just a matter of time before I left.
That�s kinda why I got my own place in New West. I need my private personal space more than I thought I did. Living in the shared house was getting on my nerves.
I suppose if you lived there any longer, it would be too much like living with her and that would mean the same mistake twice.
I think it was a good thing that we split up, in the long run. We weren't really all that suited to each other I think. Maybe we were right for each other at the time, but we outgrew each other. I don't know.
I felt though, that we didn't really have all that much time together, I think that though we lived together, you were apart from me a lot of the time, we just slept in the same bed. I was really mad at you for a long time after the breakup and hearing about Kate so soon after, especially when one of the reasons you claimed for breaking up was that you didn't want a girlfriend. I was mad because I felt like you didn't try very hard. I ran the whole gamut from regretting coming back from Scotland for you to regretting keeping the condo even. I'm still struggling pretty hard to keep up the payments, can't wait until I can rent it out.
Anyway. It took some time, but I think in the long run you did me a favour. I miss your parents a lot, I feel strained around them now, even though they were/are good good friends, but I think you were right to end it then, rather than later on when maybe there were kids or something or worse. And the fact that you don't ever want kids is a big deal to me too, that would have split us up eventually.
I guess we'll never really understand what went on for the other, since we can't see into each other's heads. It just all around sucked and what not.
How did you feel about it?
It�s funny. I wish we could get back together but not live together. I was an idiot, and I�m sorry I didn�t keep up my end of the relationship. All the things that were problems for me then seem so ridiculous now, and I regret many of the dumbass decisions I made. Even the one about kids� seeing Donald with a son has changed my mind on that topic, too. I wish I knew then what I know now.
Did you know that I actually can dance? After being forced to dance in public at the wedding, I have a desire to learn some ballroom dance styles. One of the many stupid things I did was never even try to dance.
Im sorry I missed their wedding, I really hope they are happy together, despite my feelings towards Olivia. Donald deserves a good life, he's worked pretty hard. Good for you for dancing. I suppose regrets and realizing mistakes are part of growing older and living life. I suppose what's done is done though. can't really go back.
Do you think you still love me?
Yeah, I do. It�s funny, the things you realise with enough time. You were right (and so were my parents) when you said that perhaps all I really wanted was some space. You�re probably having the time of your life reading this sad puppy-dog email after what I did to you, but the most important thing I learned in the last little while is to be honest & not bullshit when something important is on your mind. It�s still hard through, especially after I know I hurt you & you probably wouldn�t want me around anyway, but I won�t make the same mistake twice. I think that just as much as I�m sad, I�m laughing at the absurdity of life & I�m angry with myself for not talking about my problems.
I'm not having the time of my life reading this. I am a bit confused. It makes me feel a bit better to know that maybe I'm not insane and an awful girfriend etc. Are you not in a relationship right now?
As for not talking about your problems, I think that it's majorly a part of your journey because you are essentially an introverted person and it's hard for you to touch your feelings in the first place. You were pretty detached from them. So, you just learn as you get older that's all. Are you asking me back?
I�m in the middle of a rebound relationship with someone who is on a different path in life from me. She wants to move to Gabriola Island & run a farm, but I want to be in the city.
What went well with us? Am I insane, thinking that we could have stayed together if I was able to talk about my innermost feelings & be able to do things outside more often? I realise that time alone is necessary for me, and having my own place is a big thing for me.
I guess what I�m saying is that I am asking you what you�d do if I did ask to come into your life again. I think that I�m still the same person (I still like scifi & making bad puns & practicing taijutsu) but a little more in touch with myself & able to talk about what is on my mind with more ease.
I play video games 3 nights a week now. Monday, Wednesday, and one weekend day are the only times I let myself play games. I spent a long time talking to John (at my office) about how he keeps his gaming & his family life working. I�ve made changes in my life of many kinds. I think I�m a better person for the kind of reflection I�ve had time for in the last little while.
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