Jan. 29, 2003 - 11:01 a.m.
Hard Boiled Eggs are Cheap
One thing I said that I would never do
One look from you and I would fall from grace
And that would wipe this smile right from my face"
I love to see connections in things. Maybe I love to see them so much that I invent them. Who knows. But it seems like a lot of songs that were put on a CD for me have themes along the same lines as the one above.
"I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby, I could never steal you from another
It's such a shame our friendship had to end
Are you seeing the theme? Then again, pretty much every song written in the 80's has an uber-emotional theme like these do. Something to do with love lost, stolen, ruined, shallowed, all that kind of stuff. I am also particularly sensitive to music and lyrics. Things tend to affect me on deep personal levels where for others it just sounds good or is fun to dance to. Such is the bane of being hypersensitive.
I'm starting to wonder what's better. Allowing myself to feel the full spectrum of my emotions, and accepting that in order to feel the uber happy happies, I need to feel the uber dredging downies, which are somehow more frequent and overpowering that my happies. Or should I accept the medication prescribed to me and just be ok. What's worse...
I'm going for coffee with my ex after work. I have no bus fare and I've lost my bus pass. So now I have to walk an awful lot to meet him for coffee, though he has a car and won't come to pick me up.
sigh
I have two hard boiled eggs for lunch. That's it. MAN I'm too broke for words. Pay Day isn't till Friday, or maybe if I'm lucky, tomorrow. YARG. I had a really good conversation with someone last night that made me feel a little better. Lately, when I discuss my mental illness (depression) with Jackrabbit, I just feel like a pathetic fuck up which makes things worse, really. Last night I had a conversation with a newer friend and he didn't make me feel like I was pathetic. Instead he made me feel a little better. It's been a long time since that's happened. Perhaps I can make it a habit now.
I'm going for a run on my lunch break. I need the punishment. It will feel good. I can feel me finishing the Sun Run in an hour already. 12 weeks to go. 10k to overcome. I can do it!
old bitching - random - new bitching
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What's Wrong With Alice?
last five entries:
Spell it out
Rehash
to keep her
End of the line
what to do, what to do.