So here's a little irritation for today. I'm on hold. There's muzak of course, which is fine. What's driving me nuts is that every 30 seconds a voice comes on to say thank you for holding, all of our customer service representatives blah blah. I think that saying it once at the beginning is, quite frankly, ENOUGH. It's not necessary to repeat it every friggin 10 seconds to remind me that I'm on hold, especially in that awful nasal voice. I'd much rather listen to the muzak, thanks.

So I went to choir last night, what a good girl. I didn't skip, like I want to all the time. I'm glad I went, as I usually am too. I've made a vow to myself to become more confident in my singing. Because even at choir I'm so afraid of making a mistake and people hearing me, or sounding bad or something, that I mouse my way through everything. MEH. Not anymore. I am determined to just sing my heart out in there and trust that I know what I'm doing to some extent, that I have good quality of sound and, while I'm learning the piece, will get mostly the right notes.. heh.

I am tired of being afraid of what other people will think. So here's a good place to start.

I've also made a promise to stop judging other people and comparing myself to them. Like when I see a girl on the bus with the body that I consider perfect, I am not going to sit there and seethe and think "I hate her, she's so lucky, she has it easy". I'm not going to get sad and wish I had that body. I'm not going to look, and I'm not going to care, if I do look. Similarly, I am going to try not to focus on who might be looking at me.

I often feel as though eyes are on me when I'm out in public, and sometimes I know they are, I've caught people. But really, I mean, who cares WHY they're looking me. I probably don't have a booger, they probably aren't thinking, MAN she's ugly. And even if they are, so what? How does that have anything to do with me?

So. First batch of steps in conquering self absorption and low self esteem:

1. Stop worrying about what other people are thinking.

2. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

3. Just be, just live your life and go about your business.

4. Stop being judgemental of strangers.

So far so good. I can do this. I can think of a person or two who could take some of this as advice too. You know who you are!!!