It's amazing how fast certain patterns of thinking come back to you when you stop taking anti-depressants. I was right away planning my doom by accident. Like oh, why can't this car just crash right now and kill me. And I meant it. I didn't wear my seatbelt on purpose. sicky sicky.

Today feels a little better, however. The sun is shining and it's bright out and I'm sick today, at home. Called in. I have today to just be mellow and love myself and eat well, and have a bath and play Diablo II because it's a great escape from the nonstop diatribe in my head.

And have a glass of grapefruit juice.

And watch my cats play fightclub.

There are people I should email today. I just don't feel like it. Bad girl.

Well, I guess it's just going to be a better day today. I think I'll paint something.