The sky is grey here. Inside my head is grey. Inside my heart it's black, like a big screaming void.

Perhaps, and this is not depression speaking or feeling sorry for myself, but perhaps I am better off alone for a while? Maybe I am still too messed up from Chris and Jackrabbit to be whole for someone else. And that someone deserves a whole, strong woman who is not overly sensitive and suspicious of control and jealousy. Someone who's mind is like his.

I'm still sad about Chris, I'm still sad about Jackrabbit and now I'm sad about this. I can't believe how much emotion has been poured into me and drawn out again. When I look back at the last few weeks, they have been the most I've felt in...years. Years. 3 years. I never felt this passionately for Chris because he just didn't bring it out in me. Jackrabbit left me longing and sad, but my fire wasn't returned so there was nothing to feed it.

Now, my fire is burning like crazy and instead of heating me up and warming my heart, it's burning me down. And you.

October. Finish your bills, finish your loan. Make yourself free of those things that are holding you down. If things are meant to be, then we will happen no matter what life throws at us. I will get over my shit. I will get over my hurt and become whole. I will get older, and wiser and more trusting. Don't take yourself away from me, don't shut me out.

October. Then we can start fresh?

"You're a human supernova, a solar superman, you're an angel with wings afire, a giant flying friction blast"