In other fun news. I've lost 5 pounds yay. I'm back down to 156. This is a good thing. I'm really taking care to put good stuff in my body these days and I'm exceedingly pleased with the results from yoga. Wow. I've gone four times, and my running stamina actually increased! Without any other running! Amazing. I also feel a little looser, a lot bendier, a lot more free in my body. I'm breathing better. I'm thinking clearly, I have a lot of energy (this could be the meds, mind) and I'm looking forward to things again.

I miss Tromley, I hope he's doing ok. But I should really be letting go of my feelings for him. He told me it was over, so let's make it over. Friendship is the only option right now, unless we find each other again, and I am not going to count on that. I'm not his partner material, and maybe he's not mine, after all? I don't believe that truly though. I miss JR too, I spent some time on the weekend and we didn't fight ONCE, not once, and I remembered all the good reasons why I like being with him. None of them physical. I feel like the worst of it with him is over now and it's only going to get better and stronger.

Needless to say, I am optimistic today. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. I feel one step closer to freedom and to being the person I would like to be. Between school and taking care of my body better, and trying to cultivate better and healthier habits and just being patient, which is something I haven't ever really done before, I feel like I'll get there.

Patience. That's a foreign word to me. I've never been very patient. I bulldoze my way through everything. Men, work, my body. And if it doesn't happen right away I get upset, frustrated, discouraged, depressed, angry with myself etc. I have to learn to wait and that when things are waited for, they are much more rewarding.

I bulldozed Tromley, and I couldn't be patient and I wrecked things like that. Long term is important, and it's like my mutual fund, it's going to go up and down but in the long run, like 10 years, I'll ultimately end up with more. I'm willing to wait for my mutual fund, why won't I wait for anything else?

I'm going to try to apply this theory to my life.

Patience.