Well, not really. Just that if I die, my mother gets 75% and my brother gets 25%. No consolation, but what the heck. I have no will, no assets to split up or anything other than my condo, which would need to be sold, or maybe my mum can move there?

Interesting to be thinking about this stuff when I was feeling so morbidly dead the other day. I don't feel that way today, it just feels practical. Weird.

An interesting time at work will be upon me soon. I will be depositing $14 million dollars worth of insurance premiums into the bank over the next month. Ahhhh, I wonder how long I can be on the next flight out of the country? AHAHA. As if. But it's definitely very odd to know that each year, $14 million dollars or more will pass through my tiny little hands. Gasp, gurgle, dribble. Such is life.

Well. I'm alienating everyone I know. Yesterday I flipped out majorly on Tromley and ended our friendship, for good? I don't know. He was going on about his old relationship, in which he cheated on his girlfriend of 7 years, for an entire YEAR, then broke up with her, then after a while, moved in with the other cheater. Now his exgirlfriend has a new boyfriend, and Trom has realized his mistakes and now realizes how much he loves her and blah blah, and wants her back.

He told her a little while back that "he didn't think she was ready for this new relationship she's in". I told him that was selfish, at the time. Recently, I told him to stop calling her and wanting to hang out with her because he wasn't giving her the space she needed to explore her new relationship to see how she was in it without being influenced by old hurts and feelings about Trom, which seeing him or talking to him would almost certainly fuel. Of course she still loves Trom, and if he asked her to hang out with him, she would say yes, because a) she loves him on some level, b) she doesn't want to hurt him by refusing and c) she's genuinely trying to maintain some sort of frienship with him.

Trom has told her that he wants her back and that he is still in love with her and such. She wanted to stay with her new boy. So here's my beef. He was the one that fucked that relationship up, and she's trying to move on and he won't let her.

So anyway, he called her and she told him she was feeling bad and was going to see someone for therapy. When he reiterated yesterday that he told her he didn't think she was ready or in the right space to be in a relationship, I thought, How self serving is THAT!! Basically saying she should dump her new boyfriend so that she can spend more time thinking about Trom and how she's not over him.

WTF? If someone had said that to me, I would have been MAD. I would have felt like, who the fuck?? do you think you are?

Anyway, I told him that I felt this way, and he said things like "I'll talk to her tonight about what she needs for us" (I'm thinking "there is no US with you two, she's moving ON for chrissakes) and "You know, you have me wrong. I feel bad about her feeling bad. If it was the other way, I'd feel happy that she wasn't happy" and "I just realize all of a suden you don't really know [what's going on]". Of course I don't know!! I don't know this woman. I wasn't there, I don't know how she feels. But when you bitch and cry to me everyday about this stuff, i come up with some impressions of my own. I can only speak from how I would feel in such a situation.

Anyway, I had it all of a sudden. My trend to want to tell people to fuck off these days kicked in and I got angry. I said what I just said in the last paragraph basically and then said, maybe I'm not the person you want to ask for advice. He came back with "our love is really love".

Ok, if that's not the most pretentious bullshit I've ever heard. If your love was really love, you wouldn't have fucked some other woman for A FUCKING YEAR. He's just wanting her because he can't have her. I was pissed at this point, overreacting of course but nonetheless, pissed.

I said "well aren't you fucking special with your fabulous real love". I ended that conversation.

I reiterated in a later email reply to one of his that if I were his ex, that is how I would have felt about that comment and he said that she wouldn't feel that way, she's not like that blah blah. So I insulted her too, calling her a shining beacon of purity and isn't she fucking great. HAHA. And then I told him to fuck off and that I was done with him.

Wow. Did I ever lose my mind or what? But at the same time, it was just an expression of what I felt inside. It was only magnified by an already bad mood and bad headspace, and was unchecked by social taboo and propriety.

Welcome to Raging Bitch, population one.