Tonight we will go to sleep in separate homes. It's going to feel so strange to fall alseep without him, even stranger to wake up without him. I keep reminding him of this, and he knows. He cried while he shaved. I cried as I left through the back door because it would be the last time, since from now on he won't be there to lock it for me after I leave. No more falling asleep to "Quads" and "Mission Hill". No more late night raunchy animated TV. No more waking up to classic Star Trek. In fact, now that he's gone, I'll set the alarm to an hour earlier and wake up to Xena, then I'll have an extra hour to get ready. Maybe I won't be late for work anymore.

We had sex again last night and he cuddled me so fiercely that I thought I would suffocate. I wish I had. Maybe I did. He said he would miss my body and that my hair was soft. He said he would miss my lips. My tears fell on his face while we kissed. He wiped them away, like he wiped me away.

In other news, since I took the day off work yesterday, I was at home. A guy that I met on Friday night, the night before armageddon, called me TWICE. He left a message the first time, and I didn't call him back. He called a second time to talk. He's also nursing a breakup, though it's four months old. He seems more sad than I am, but who knows how I'll feel in four months. I think maybe that's the point when you realize that they are not coming back and it truly is over for good. It's nice to be sought after though, good for the ego. I don't feel like a repulsive rejected woman, and yes, I know I'm not, but you can't help feeling like that sometimes. I just don't want to hurt someone right now, because I'm on the rebound. I do want to go on a few dates though, I need male company, I need to be flattered and fawned over. Doesn't everyone?

"You speak of my love like you have experienced love like mine before. But you, you're not allowed, you're uninvited. An unfortunate slight"