I had to go over to the north shore after work today to sign some papers at the bank and since I was off work early, I ended up arriving back downtown around 5:30. I was in a cluster of buses; my bus and three others also coming from the north shore and as I approached the stop at Burrard it occurred to me that this was about the time that Jackrabbit usually arrives from the north shore too.

My bus pulled up next to one of the others, and SURE ENOUGH, sitting on the other bus was jackrabbit. I almost fell over.

I got excited because I want to see him. Especially since I'm getting on a plane in three days and I'm always thinking, "what happens if I get in a plane crash? what happens if I die on this trip?". I wanted to see him in case it was the last time.

But he must have seen me. Because he didn't get off at his stop. I got off at Burrard, and RAN to Granville, three blocks away, where he would have gotten off instead, in the hopes that I would catch him getting on one of the other buses, and I could ride it to where mine would pick me up.

But I missed him.

Why did fate make me see him, but not let me meet him? I, for some reason, struggle to find meaning in this when really, if you go by the existential version of myself, there was no meaning. I just saw him by chance, and we didn't meet up by chance. But maybe it's a sign. Like we'll always be this way in life? Just missing each other barely, so close but so far? I wonder if he was thinking about me, if he didn't see me. If he did, he surely was. He looked so unhappy. Like he hadn't smiled in days.

I can't say exactly why but the whole thing just really upset me.

Well, let's hope I don't die on this trip I guess.