The weekend went by so fast. Why????? I did get out into my garden though. I spent four hours weeding the back end of it. I bought a park bench for $50, down from $200 roughly.

Plants:

japanese maple
hens and chicks echeveria
purple ice plant
blue star creeper
purple rock cress
blue gentian
corsican mint
pineapple mint
strawberry plant

Aren't I green. I just needed a little sitting place to get some privacy, some sun, some peace of mind. Hopefully the ground cover will spread quickly. It'll be a lovely place to do some yoga.

Felt really ill yesterday after the huge dinner I had the night before. I now know that my appetite isn't nearly as huge as it used to be. There's a limit to what I can eat now. Amazing.

I think I got used last night. I'm not terribly upset about it, but I think it's altered some direction for me? I don't know. I still have the same feelings I had, and I still would ultimately like to be together, but I think it's going to be easier for me to step back a bit and give some room now for you to pursue what it is you really want, whatever that may be. I was thinking about the train of events yesterday. You knew I was coming to use the shower. You had things set out in a way I would see them. Intentional? Not sure. But I did. And I asked, and now I know what it was you didn't want to repeat when I didn't hear you the first time. You wanted to fuck. But you couldn't, you still made love to me. Which I thank you for. But I was certainly convenient. It was hot, you were beautiful, I didn't want to leave. I could have laid there for days with you. I wasn't going to kiss you, because you wanted to fuck, but then you didn't fuck and I couldn't help but kiss you and kiss you and you made such beautiful sounds and said my name again and again. I didn't do much, I'm afraid. I didn't know what to do. So I stayed closed but I felt you, and I wish I'd said your name back to you.

Lovely. Anyway, it was the best possible way to be used, if I was used. :)

I don't feel weird. I just wish you would choose me. I guess I never stopped wishing that.