I lie in bed, awake, for how long, who knows. But I can't stop the tears and my chest is aching with pent up screaming. I just open my mouth and force out air without sound, the next best thing. Norbert has come, maybe he could hear me from the living room. But he's here now, curled against me, rubbing his cheek on whatever he can. I wonder if he knows, or if he is as selfishly motivated as we think. Maybe he knows, and feels bad, and the only thing he can do for me is be there.

I know this isn't true, but I'll believe that for my own sake. His fur is relaxing and his purring is soothing and I ache and hurt so much for all my losses, not just this one. So much loss, in far too many ways, and the saddest part is that compared to others in this world, I have lost nothing.

How sad.